


oh, creator!

by AFireInTheAttic



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Book: New Moon, Can also be read as platonic - Freeform, F/F, Pre-Relationship, Self-Destruction, Suicidal Ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 14:16:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14166684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFireInTheAttic/pseuds/AFireInTheAttic
Summary: Bella is self-destructing, but Jess makes her not want to, even if it's only for a little while.





	oh, creator!

**Author's Note:**

> This is set right after Jessica and Bella go to the zombie movie and Bella approaches the group of men she thinks she recognizes. She hallucinates Edward yelling at her, which sets her on a new path of self-destruction.
> 
> Inspired by Hello World by Louie Zong.
> 
> [listen on soundcloud](https://soundcloud.com/louie-zong/hello-world) | [listen on tumblr; with lyrics](http://morphenomenalbabe.tumblr.com/post/172463077779/everydaylouie-hello-world-a-test-of-some)

 

_Programmed to work and not to feel_  
_Not even sure that this is real_  
_…Find my voice_  
_Although it sounds like bits and bytes  
_ _My circuitry is filled with mites_

- _Hello, World_ by Louie Zong

* * *

Jessica’s hands were shaking as they made their way back to her car—Bella knew this, because she hadn’t let go of her arm the whole way they walked back. Her scolding had stopped after a few minutes, though the tension between them definitely indicated that she was still freaked.

Bella…wasn’t sure what to think.

Part of her had been so startled to imagine Edward there that she almost wanted to run back and see if it would happen again.

But Jess was real, and next to her, and terrified. That mattered more.

“Hey,” she said, softly, probably too quiet—but her companion whipped around to stare at her. “I’m sorry…I…don’t really have an excuse.”

Her fingers twitched, tightened like she wasn’t sure she wasn’t going to belt for the bikers again, before she finally let go. “I know, Bella.”

Edward had told her she was self-destructive, more than once. She knew enough about herself to know that it was true, and this was just more evidence of it. But it had never upset someone so viscerally before—well, except when he’d gotten angry at her for not caring that he could kill her.

But Jess wasn’t angry—or maybe she was, but it wasn’t the same. She wasn’t breaking tree branches or shouting, she just looked as though she wanted to drag Bella into the car and give her a stern talking to, but mostly like she wanted to keep her safe.

“You’re a good friend,” she said, because Jess needed to hear it. Because she’d never said it, and it was true.

“Thank you,” she said, but it was automatic, as if she didn’t believe her, as if it were somehow her fault.

Bella took her hand in hers and squeezed it gently. It had been a long time since she’d touched anyone on purpose. Four months, give or take.

God. Was it _really_ January?

Jess's hands were still shaking, but she seemed to settle a little at the contact.

“You're here with me tonight. _For_ me," she said, assuring her. "It means a lot. And I’m going to be a better friend for you, too.” Maybe Jess wouldn’t believe her just yet, about either part of it, but she would take the time to prove it to her, at least until they went their seperate ways—Jess to college...and Bella still in Forks, waiting.

_Stupid_ , a part of her mind whispered fiercely.

_The only option_ , the rest of her replied.

"Don't do that again," Jess said, finally. "The running off toward strange men part, I mean. It's way too dangerous and—there won't always be someone to pull you out of there."

Bella hugged her impulsively. It was touching to hear someone caring about her, reaching out even when she'd been useless for so long. "Thank you. I won't." There were better ways to self-destruct, ways where people like Jess didn't get hurt. Where _she_ was the only one to get hurt.

She just needed time to figure that out.

**Author's Note:**

> (in my mind, Bella still goes to fix the motorcycles with Jake, but she also spends more time with Jessica, too. And then falls for her:))


End file.
